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Top 5 Video Game Characters That Would Make Thanksgiving Awkward



Thanksgiving sucks. It’s the one time of year when you see all those family members that you spend the other 364 days of the year avoiding. You know, the cousin that is part of NFTs and memes actions. The uncle who listens to the Joe Rogan Experience and sort of finds a way to reference it with every drop of the hat. It’s just exhausting.

And that doesn’t even explain how bad the turkey is. Turkey is like rabbit meatloaf. Dry, tasteless and raw. Thanksgiving is a problematic holiday for a lot of reasons, but I think the turkey is the icing on the cake of this crappy sundae. How did we make such a bland and ugly bird the centerpiece of this whole annual tradition? Don’t get me started on those weird things under turkey chin. I find it unfathomable that people eat these creatures.

I tend to skip my family’s Thanksgiving. While this may make me a bad son, a family member, and a person in general, it makes me healthier mentally. I just can’t bring myself to deal with the embarrassing conversations Thanksgiving compels people to. No, AJ, I don’t want to hear what you think of the Bored Ape Yacht Club; it is a bad investment. Mitch, I absolutely don’t need to watch this clip of Joe Rogan interviewing Dave Chappelle on your iPhone 7. Literally, Why Does Jacob have a gun on him? Should the pumpkin pie try something funny?

What does this have to do with video games? Not a lot. But since we’re on vacation this week and need to fill the website with content, here are my picks for the five video game characters that would make Thanksgiving awkward.

5: This little person from the game Minit (I don’t know if she has a name)

If there’s one thing you can say about Thanksgiving, it’s that it lasts too long. But you have to be there, attentive, and conversing to keep up appearances with your family. So, can you imagine if every 60 seconds one of you literally died and had to start over all day?

I don’t know much about Minit – never really played the game – but thanks to her Wikipedia page, I know you play the game one minute at a time. After that minute is up, you die and start over.

It would be the most obnoxious way to celebrate Thanksgiving. Everyone is suffering from this whole ordeal together, but this little guy, Mike Minit, as we’ll call him, keeps doing it all over again every 60 seconds. He walks in, says hello to the family, shakes one or two hands, grabs a plate, looks at the stuffing, then dies. Moments later, he comes back in the door, repeating the whole process.

It sounds boring. I couldn’t take care of it.

4: Heartman from Death Stranding

You know what, while we’re at it, this guy would be even worse than Mike! Every 21 minutes, Heartman’s heart stops, he dies, and he goes to the beach to search for his wife and daughter before being resuscitated three minutes later. It’s not as bad as Mr. Minit – but Heartman spends 21 minutes on this deadly reel constantly pontificating and over-explaining the science of the natural world. My God, you can’t say a word with this guy.

Here I am, trying to grab a second serving of buns, and this creepy guy tells me about endangered entities. Shut up the fuck! The only thing that will end here is my patience if you don’t leave me alone, Heartman.

3: Mara from the series Shin Megami Tensei and Persona

You can just look at the picture; I have nothing to write here.

… In fact, while we’re on the subject of the Persona series and Shin Megami Tensei, these games are full of crass (and confusing sexy) creatures that you shouldn’t invite to your Thanksgiving gatherings. I mean, look at this!

You know, for a series about high school kids, the Persona and Shin Megami Tensei games are filled with creatures that look a lot alike or outright wield their southern features. Which, come to think of it, is somewhat appropriate given what most high school kids are concerned about.

However, you cannot invite any of these people to your Family Thanksgiving! It is an offense that can be canceled if I have already seen one. How are you in good faith going to walk in with Arioch (second from left) and look your grandma in the eye again? They are too sexy! You’d expect me to be able to eat mashed potatoes when Master Therion (far right) is in front of me with everyone this is it happening? I don’t know about you, but I would be too confused, distracted and confusedly intrigued to finish dinner. At best, I would need a moment to lie down and fan myself.

Damn, if any of my family were to bring one of these creatures to dinner, you better believe I’d be more than happy to talk to AJ, Mitch, and Jacob. Maybe all three at the same time!

2: Pokémon Trubbish

Hey, Pokemon fans, explain this one to me. Trubbish is literally just a trash bag with googly eyes stuck to the front. The Pokémon Company is a multi-billion dollar business and that’s what the brain geniuses out there are up to these days? It’s hogwash if I’ve heard it before.

Anyone, you can’t bring trash to your Thanksgiving reunion. Your aunt is already bringing her new boyfriend!

1: Wyzen of Asura’s Wrath

He is too fat ! What are you gonna do with this guy? Even if you lived in the Boeing Everett factory, which CNET tell me is the tallest building on Earth, based on volume (3.5 billion gallons) – you still couldn’t fit this guy into your house.

Even if you could fit Wyzen’s size, how could you feed him? He could eat all the Thanksgiving food prepared at all the participating homes, and his stomach probably wouldn’t even notice the difference. It would be like giving six mites to a normal human and calling it a meal.

If Wyzen shows up on your Thanksgiving, you know you’re going to have an embarrassing evening. Unable to install and feed, you better leave it off your guest list.

Wow, so there you go, folks. Was our list correct? Tell us what you think! Which video game characters do you think would make an awkward Thanksgiving? Make your voice heard in the comments. Please, I beg you, engage with this story. Leave a comment. Do you have any comments. The longer your comment, the better. Show this article to a friend. Bring it on Thanksgiving to your family members. Encourage everyone you know to have your say in the comments below! Please! PLEASE!

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